Humility and thankfulness transcend the understanding in all our trials. Especially of those situations that help in our advancement to go deeper into ourselves. We must carry them and use them fondly. It is what grants us access to proceed in the current trial at hand. If we've given God our “yes”, then we must know that some present sufferings are a result of that “yes.” It has allowed Him to reach deeper in, inviting us closer. We cannot move past the surface of ourselves without walking through the walls, defenses, wounds, and memories that have inhibited us for so long. If we think we’ve already arrived, we’ve already forfeited true intimacy with the King. Humility is the greeter that meets us, takes us in, and slowly removes these burdens out from us. Humility is the friend that guides us to the Beloved Himself in the deepest chambers of our hearts. Oh, how pride has kept us from humility– the spirit that unties the knots, breathes in surrender, and lets go.
Often we fret when we’re faced with a struggle and back out. Our minds see a glimpse and cannot process it, so it chooses to opt out. What we’re backing out of is not the situation itself, but of the depth of ourselves that’s been shutdown and hidden for so long. It is in those dark, uncovered places the Beloved seeks to shine His light and dwell there in us. It is in those places where He says intimacy awaits.
Will we walk through the turbulence inside– the layers upon layers in which have been guarded by creatures of oppression to surrender and humble ourselves? To be broken again and again, however many times is necessary? Then so be it. Our walk with the Beloved is an ebb and flow and He grants us the desires we do not know we have. Our souls run far much deeper than we know, with places we’ve never seen.
Oh, how little we’ve advanced going into the depths because of fear! God has touched a place in us that has been dormant for so long. We feel as if we’ve awoken a beast and we’re trying to put back to sleep. But the more terrifying thought would be, to know of its existence and continue to host it and many others just like it? God does not cause us to suffer more than we have allowed ourselves to. It is His power and mercy to touch those places and bring us out of these internal torments. We’re only able to see their hold and excruciating pain in us when He touches that place, bringing us face to face with it. I want to express this rightly: those ‘things’ were already causing us pain before their blatant manifestation, yet some of us believe they are to be new sufferings placed upon us because of what God is doing. How foolish our minds work sometimes! It is the invitation of our Beloved, beckoning us to go deeper, and we must press through and relinquish the things that have resided in us for so long. Whether they were to protect ourselves or stationed there to keep ourselves in survival mode, they must be pulled out one by one. God is so gracious to reveal things to our minds– aspects of our life in which we’ve been stolen from because of these walls and defenses. This is will make it easier to let them go and see their full effect its had in our life.
To fight this oh so sovereign process would be foolish. It would be like taking the knot we already have inside ourselves and tying it with a greater one, strangling our souls because it does not understand the process. God can only bring these things about, yet, at one point in our lives, we’ve said, “God, come deeper…. God, I want more of you… God, heal me…,” etc, and we must humble ourselves to the answers of those prayers. In God’s presence, our minds are renewed, therefore we begin to desire and ask Him for things He’s wanting to grant us.
I want to say something more about thankfulness. Think of a pot of clay inside of us. Each time we use thankfulness, we stir that pot of clay with our words, keeping it soft. It is an active muscle in our beings that turn, keep in shape, and remain fresh for His work in us. If we do not actively operate in thanksgiving, our very bones grow stale. Lifeless. Dull. Like a room slowly starting to cover in dust. Thankfulness opens the souls passageways. Passageways we can never find on our own, but prepare ourselves with thankfulness, that the King may invite us in and bring us into those places.
I ponder these things. Some as I have experienced, some as I have remembered, and some I’ve seen as I write.
May we give God the glory that is His when we face these things, for it is in His mercy that we do. We lean into Him harder, humble ourselves lower, and surrender our wills greater.